


Lost

by galaxyninjer



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Gen, POV Jack Kline, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:22:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27431206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxyninjer/pseuds/galaxyninjer
Summary: Post spn 15x18: Jack and Sam are back at the bunker with Dean. After learning that Cas died because he carried through with the deal with the Empty, Jack has a hard time believing in himself.
Relationships: Castiel & Jack Kline, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	Lost

_His life was written. It was to be a beautiful tragedy in exchange for repentance. Then, as the words morphed into memories, and his destiny stood before him, the world ended on its own accord._

_A sacrifice paid in love._

_Power blooming from pain._

_A chance to re-write the epilogue._

***

Jack's POV

Cas was dead. Long gone. Taken by the Empty. Jack stood paralyzed by shock. He’d known about the deal, but Cas had assured him that he was far from happy. _What changed?_ he thought. Dean’s broken expression came to mind. They’d found him crying in the Bunker, a bloody handprint on his shoulder. His eyes were blood-shot, voice scratchy as he greeted them half-heartedly before breaking down once more. _Ah._

It hurt, knowing that there was nothing he could do to help. It was his fault Cas made that stupid deal in the first, and now, he’d lost his dad again. He missed Cas already. _This is different from the last time_ , he noted. _This hurts more._ After knowing Cas’ love and affection, it burned his heart up knowing that he’s gone. Tears formed in his eyes, staining his cheeks as he thought of Cas’ reassuring smile, blue eyes filled with warmth and encouragement for him, even when he didn’t feel worthy of such devotion. Cas believed in him, and now, Jack’s heart clenched at the thought of his dad being alone and surrounded by nothing. He swallowed hard as he tried to stay strong. Dean and Sam were grieving, but Jack hated himself. _Cas deserves to be here, not me. All I’ve done is cause them pain and suffering. They’d be better off without me._

Jack turned to leave the kitchen. His mind was flooding over with emotions and a growing sense of loss. He loved Sam and Dean, but without Cas, he was lost once more in a world he couldn’t save. Dean’s an emotional mess, and Sam isn’t far behind. They’d both just lost the people they loved. _It’s only fair that I let them rest, they won’t want me here._

The doorknob was cold to the touch. He glanced down the dark hall, shadows creeping up at him like loneliness. Warm tears were trailing down his cheeks as he pulled his sweater closer. Grey and silver spots zeroing in on his vision, and a spiral of nausea sinking fear deeper into his bones. Memories of the dead plant invaded his mind, wilting leaves a taunt to his purpose.

 _You’re supposed to help people, but all you do is hurt them. You leave behind so much pain, no wonder Cas left you again._ Body shaped into a weapon, grace charged up to erupt and burn everything in its path, and soul hollow with heartache; he was now void of purpose. Jack’s grip on the knob tightened. _I’m nothing but a broken weapon now._

Darkness gaining speed and then, his line of vision went blank.

***

Dean’s rough voice was the first thing Jack registered as he floated back to reality. There was a wet cloth on his head and the room smelt of burning herbs.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Dean asked out loud. His vision was blurry. Looking to the side left him lightheaded, but Jack could make out Sam’s silhouette sitting next to him.

“I, I don’t know, Dean,” he replied. The edge of uncertainty to his tone wasn’t lost to Jack. _Sam’s afraid,_ he thought.

“Dammit,” Dean cursed. Something crashed to the side of the room, a lamp maybe? He couldn’t tell under the haze of his mind, dazzling like spotlights as he tried to blink.

“Dean,” Sam’s voice was louder now. Another crash. That’s definitely a lamp, Jack thought.

“Dean! Stop it! What good would trashing his room do? It’s not going to make him better!”

He hadn’t realised that they were in his room. Jack wanted to speak up and say that he didn’t feel that bad. His thoughts were jumbled, and sure, there was a gut punch feel to his entire body, but he was fine.

“I can’t lose him too, Sammy. Especially not now. Not right after…” he went quiet, but Jack knew what he wanted to say. _Not right after losing Cas._

“We… we don’t know that it’s fatal... whatever this is. You can’t lose hope. We have to keep fighting Dean. Chuck’s still out there. We, we have to fight.”

Dean chuckled. “Are you hearing yourself, Sam? What’s left for us to fight for? We’ve lost.”

Jack’s ears were ringing, a glass-shattering scream echoing through his body. His hands shook in place, an internal vibration streaming through his body, surging with power and pain.

“We fight for each other,” Sam’s voice was uneven as he said that.

“It’s been enough before.” He paused. Sam’s hand clutched his, and a parental gaze fell on him. Jack felt the pounding ease in his head.

“We fight for him. For them. Chuck’s still messing with us, but going forward we have to stay strong. We’re fighting for the friends we lost, for Jack, for Cas and Eileen, it’s what they would want,” Sam said.

Jack squeezed down on Sam’s hand as a sign of reassurance, but the strength didn’t quite carry to his muscles. The pain was dying down. He thought once more of Cas. He’d given his life for Jack’s, and now it was his turn to fight to save him. Dean sighed. Jack could picture him running a hand through his face.

“Okay,” he said, and then with more conviction, “We fight for them. You’re right. It’s what they, what Cas would have wanted. Chuck won’t know what hit him. I, I’ll hit the lore. We need to make sure the kid’s okay before we do anything else.”

Sam let go of his hand. Jack’s voice was stuck in his throat, but he had hope in his family. He’ll be okay, and together they’ll find a way to save the world. We have to bring Cas back. And Eileen, and all their friends. We’ll save everyone. He heard the door click close.

The raw power flowing through his veins cooled. And like pouring molten gold into a cast, Jack believed that their future would be beautiful and worthwhile.

***

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This a quick coda I wrote today after being emotionally wrecked by last night's episode. Hope that you enjoyed reading, let me know what you think :) Take care!
> 
> My [Tumblr](https://galaxycastiel.tumblr.com/) :)


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